Steve and I were on our way to his company Christmas party dinner and I asked him "if I died and you had to describe my body, what identifying marks would you say I had?" This is a risky game, y'all. We've been together 5 years, we are getting married in 6 months, and the man failed. He FAILED. Well, I'm sure he could have given them a good enough description. But no, nothing definitive where the investigators could say "oh man, yep, that's her, that is EXACTLY what we found!"
Let me give you a little tidbit of info you might not know. The medical examiner in the very large county I live in (I don't want it to be able to be searched for on the google, but yeah, you guys know what big city I live near) has a procedure to identify every single body that comes through. They take your fingerprints and send them electronically to the Department of Public Safety and compare them to your driver's license. You don't have a driver's license? Maybe you have an ID card. Not that? Maybe you have a license in another state? They will contact that state. Maybe you are from Canada and they will get with the horse riding Mounties up there. They will find a way. I could show up in their building with my name, social security number, date of birth, and mother's maiden name tattooed on my ass and they would still wait until they had confirmation of positive ID from the state agencies.
SO! The instance where Steve would have to identify my body would be SUCH a rare one, but c'mon, it's fun to think about, right? (I know!) Here's what I did. I started ticking off a list of things he could tell the cops should I become unidentifiable in other ways (what if my fingers get cut off? what if I am so badly decomposed only my frog tattoo on my foot is visible?) Oh, if that's the case, he would totally fail because he had to think way too long to GUESS which foot the tattoo was on (and he had a 50% chance of getting it right anyway! It's the left, if you were curious.)
So here is my list and I wanted to see what YOUR list looks like. If something happens to me, just print this list off and send it to the local authorities. Don't rely on Steve. For real, I won't ever get identified.
- small frog tattoo on the top of my left foot
- very light birthmark on the left side of my mouth/cheek area (I asked Steve where my birthmark was and he said I didn't have one. I will let him have a pass on this because even my dad used to try to clean it off of my face thinking it was dirt. It's very light.)
- scar across the top of my right hand (flew over the handlebars of my bike and skidded across sidewalk..continued to pick at it for a week straight.
- 4 scars on my belly from laparoscopic gastric bypass surgery (one is in the belly button, ew, and the others are just thrown about)
- one scar in the middle of my back from a questionable mole, one scar on each upper arm from questionable moles (go get your moles checked!)
- 2 piercing holes in each ear but only one that goes all the way through per ear
- very small toenails on my pinky toes..like almost nonexistent
- greenish blue eyes (though if my body were so badly decomposed they needed this list, my eyes would be LONG GONE)
I am curious if you have ever played this morbid yet fun game with your partner? Could you identify them based on unique characteristics? I like to think this is all fun and games because NOBODY should have to do that. But, you know, horrible shit happens and people have to do this type of stuff everyday.